When my wife received her breast cancer diagnosis, she did not hesitate to share the news with almost everyone in her life. From her mom and sisters to her colleagues and even her high school students, Marsha made sure that those close to her were informed early on. The news of Princess Diana’s cancer reminded us of those hectic first days after the diagnosis, as the royal family also grappled with how to handle sharing such personal information.
Deciding who to tell about a cancer diagnosis can be a difficult and personal choice. Dr. Monique James, a psychiatrist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, explains that some may be hesitant to share for fear of being defined by their illness. However, having a support system can help combat the loneliness that often accompanies a cancer diagnosis. Ultimately, many choose to speak out and seek comfort in the presence of loved ones.
It’s important to consider how much you want to disclose and to whom. Setting boundaries for what information you share can reduce stress and confusion. Designating a trusted family member to communicate updates can also be helpful. And when faced with insensitive comments or questions, a simple “I just need a break” can be a valid response.
When it comes to children and elderly relatives, honesty is usually the best policy. Shielding them from the news may do more harm than good, as they may sense that something is wrong. Similarly, discussing a cancer diagnosis with colleagues at work may be necessary for practical reasons, such as arranging for time off for treatment.
While privacy is always an option, sometimes we find ourselves going public in unexpected ways. My wife, for example, chose to share her diagnosis with her students, though she decided not to disclose the specifics of her illness. Ultimately, the decision of how, when, and with whom to share a cancer diagnosis is a personal one that requires careful consideration.
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